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    Noah’s Ark might spring a leak

    One of the most interesting early biblical tales is that of Noah’s Ark. If you don’t know it, I’ll just quickly run through it. Everyone in the world was bad. I mean like really bad and they had to be punished.

    They did not keep God in their hearts and they were fighting and killing each other like nobody’s business. Being a bunch of scumbags did not impress God, so he decided it was time to do something about it. That something was to make it rain for forty days and forty nights. That means flooding on anyone’s radar.

    It was going to basically by the apocalypse mark 1 the first go. God was set on this until one of the angels had a word. “Um, what about the animals Lord?” “What about them?” says the big man. “Well, they haven’t done anything have they.

    Seems a bit unfair that’s all. I mean the fish will be ok but the land-based ones are getting a rough deal here. Oh, and that family there. Head of the family Noah. His still keep you in their hearts. They’re good people.”

    God then relents and allows the animals to live and Noah and his family. But he’s going to have to work for it.


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    “Hello. I’m the Metatron”, says the Metatron to Noah.

    “The Who?” says Noah.

    “No, the Metatron the voice of God. He can’t speak to you himself as you would disintegrate under its force, so I get sent. I’m a Substitute, geddit?” said the Metatron pleased with his joke but suddenly aware that Noah couldn’t see into the future.

    “Oh. Ok. Praise the Lord”, said happily. He loved God.

    “Right. Now, listen. I bring Bad and Good news. First the bad. The world is going to end in a big flood. The Goodnews, You and your family are going to be spared”, said the Metatron
    “Oh, thank you. Great! Praise the lord with great praise”, said Noah elated.

    “Just one thing, God wants to spare all the animals too, so you and your family need to build a ship big enough for all of them. Its in about a years’ time. The wood and nails are over there. An infinite supply I think you’ll find. Crack on”, job done the Metatron began to disappear.

    “Woah! Hold on there a minute.Did you say all the animals? And what if it springs a leak? Its not like I can call an  Emergency Plumber Gloucester way or anywhere else, Its not as if I can pop on the website at http://www.hprservicesltd.com/emergency-plumber-gloucester/ as there won’t be any plumbers left!” said a now slightly worried Noah.

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    The Metatron started to reappear, which was a tricky thing to do once you’d started to disappear and it put him in a bit of a mood if he was honest, which of course he was as he was the voice of God and a very important Angel. He looked at the poor mortal.

    “Don’t worry, God has complete faith in you. Now,on you pop. Amen”, and off he went for tea and biscuits.

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